When love is not enough
7 core areas to strengthen as an adult.
Hey hey dear one,
Happy New Week!
I trust you had a great weekend.
Single people, congratulations on surviving this weekend..lol (but seriously, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. As a philosopher once said, “na single, you single, you no kill person.)
As a girl, I grew up hearing my mum and other older women talk to my sisters and me about our future as “somebody’s wife.” We heard things like, “This food is too salty. Is this how you will cook in your husband’s house?” And I know I’m not the only girl who grew up hearing that. For some reason, we rarely heard boys being spoken to in the same way.
Now, this post isn’t about gender debates or whether our African mothers were right or wrong. But I do want to point something out.
Unconsciously, and almost unintentionally, many girls have been raised for generations with the weight of becoming wives, mothers, fixers, and women who always know what to do in every situation. And to be fair, boys carried their own unspoken pressures too. Many were expected to “be men” far too early. To provide. To suppress emotions. To be strong at all costs.
The truth is, from a very young age, both boys and girls are handed heavy expectations from society. Yet many young people are rarely guided on what truly matters in each season of life or how to prioritise what is important at the right time.
That’s why in this post, I want to highlight seven core areas every adult should intentionally strengthen for a healthy and wholesome adult life. These reflections come from my own journey so far, and I hope they help you especially if you’re thinking seriously about love, relationships, and marriage.
7 core areas
1. Personal Purpose / Assignment (and Self-Mastery)
Every adult needs a strong sense of purpose and direction.
When you know what you can die for, it changes how you live. You become more intentional with your time, your energy, and your relationships. You stop attaching your entire identity to whether someone chooses you or not.
Your purpose does not have to be a job title. It’s bigger than that. It’s the reason you believe you are on earth. The values you refuse to compromise. The impact you feel called to make.
And inside this is self-mastery. Seek to understand yourself. What triggers you? What strengthens you? What are your natural gifts? Where are your weaknesses? etc.
You cannot build a healthy relationship if you are a stranger to yourself. Purpose gives direction. Self-mastery gives more expressions.
2. Relationships
Like I have mentioned before, every adult needs to learn how to relate well to themselves, to friends, to family, and to community. Do you keep your word? Do you apologise? Do you respect boundaries? Do you know how to show up consistently?
Romantic love does not magically fix relational immaturity. It simply exposes it.
Here is what I know, healthy friendships and family dynamics teach you patience, forgiveness, loyalty, and emotional intelligence long before marriage ever does.
3. Communication and Conflict Management
Every adult must learn how to say what they mean clearly and kindly. You cannot expect people to read your mind. You also cannot weaponise silence, sarcasm, or anger. Conflict is honestly not the problem. Immaturity in conflict is. Can you disagree without disrespecting? Can you listen without preparing your comeback?
Can you apologise without your ego getting in the way?
These skills will shape every relationship you ever have.
4. Money
Money is not everything, but your relationship with money affects everything.
Learn how to make it with integrity.
Learn how to manage it wisely.
Learn how to multiply it strategically.
If you do not master money, it will master you. Financial irresponsibility has ended many relationships that started with love.
You don’t need to be wealthy. But you need to be responsible.
5. Health and Wellness
Your body is not an afterthought.
It carries you through the life you have at the moment. Treat it with respect. Rest. Eat well. Move your body. Pay attention to your mental and emotional health too.
When you neglect your health, you pay for it later. When you honour it, it yields results of wellness, strength, and longevity.
6. Fun
Yes, fun.
Every adult needs healthy ways to refill. Life cannot be only responsibility and pressure. If you don’t learn how to rest and enjoy yourself, you will become bitter and drained.
Fun reconnects you to joy. It reminds you that you are more than your roles. It helps you show up lighter and healthier in relationships. Know what gives you the most healthy fun.
7. Faith and Spirituality
Life is deeply spiritual. As we grow, it becomes more important to know who God is for ourselves, not just who our parents or culture said He is. Develop a vibrant relationship with Him. Let His principles shape your decisions, your values, your standards.
Society may place unrealistic expectations on us as adults but we owe it to ourselves to step up in these areas and more. And this is NOT just about relationship and marriage. Seek to become better person for YOU. A young adult who is grounded in purpose, healthy in relationships, wise with money, emotionally mature, spiritually anchored, and joyful in his/ her own skin.
What’s one area you consider your weakest and you are committed to improving? Share in the comment section.
I love you and I am rooting for you.
Let’s keep adulting together!
The area I consider as my weakest at the moment has to be ‘Money,’ but I’m learning to be better.
Thanks for the newsletter, ma.