I still DO.

Personal lessons from being married for 4 years

Hey, hey dear one,
I trust you are doing well.

Last week’s newsletter was probably the most vulnerable thing I’ve shared here so far.

One promise I want to keep is this: I will always be transparent with you. Not just because I want this to remain a safe space where you can be honest too, but because adulting is not beans. It can be messy, exhausting, and sometimes deeply overwhelming. And that’s okay.

It is okay to cry, even when you are living in answered prayers. Cry if you need to. Pour out your heart before God. Wipe your tears, take a deep breath, and keep moving. We don’t give up here. We know what God has called us to, and while the journey isn’t always easy, we keep showing up by His grace, one day at a time.

I hadn’t planned for today’s note to be about love or marriage, but a few days ago, my husband and I celebrated four years of marriage. Four years, y’all! God has been incredibly faithful.

As I’ve reflected on this season, I found myself thinking about some of the lessons marriage has taught me. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married, I hope something here encourages you.

Lesson 1: Marriage is God’s idea, and God’s idea cannot be sustained by man’s wisdom.

My lover and I met over a decade ago. In His sovereignty, God first knitted our hearts together as friends before He brought us together as husband and wife.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that if God designed marriage, then His standard is the one worth following. The world offers countless opinions about what marriage should look like, but for our home, building on Christ has been our anchor. When His Word becomes the foundation, it gives us something stronger than feelings to stand on.

Lesson 2: Choosing the right person doesn’t remove the need to do the work.

I am convinced that my husband is God’s best for me. Marrying him remains one of the greatest gifts God has given me.

But loving God, having the Holy Spirit, and deeply loving each other do not automatically produce a thriving marriage. A healthy marriage is built intentionally, one day at a time.

Choosing each other daily is non-negotiable. Marriage requires patience, humility, emotional intelligence, forgiveness, and consistent attention. The kind of love many of us pray for truly exists, but it flourishes when both people are willing to keep doing the work.

Lesson 3: Your spouse is not the enemy.

This lesson has saved us more times than I can count.

Choose to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Even when they are wrong, extend grace as much as you can. Trust that your spouse always has your best interest at heart. Remember that you’re on the same team. Marriage isn’t a competition where one person wins, and the other loses. It’s a partnership. You’re building the same home, fighting for the same future, and pursuing the same purpose. The problem is the problem, not each other.

Lesson 4: Be intentional about growing together.

The two people who stood at the altar four years ago are not the same people writing and reading this today. Every season changes us. Experiences shape us. Responsibilities mature us. For example, our marriage before our daughter and now aren’t the same. That’s why we must keep becoming students of each other. We have to keep asking questions, paying attention to each other’s needs, listening deeply, and making room for who the other person is becoming. Our dreams require us to improve, so we are choosing to be each other’s support system and biggest cheerleader. Love doesn’t just grow because time passes. It grows because two people remain curious, intentional, and committed to growing side by side.

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As I wrapped up another year of marriage, I found myself thanking God not just for the beautiful moments, but also for the ordinary ones. The conversations, the misunderstandings we worked through (trust me, we had a couple…lol), the laughter, the sacrifices, the answered prayers, and even the seasons that stretched us. They have all become part of the story God is writing.

Whether you’re married, preparing for marriage, healing from heartbreak, or simply trusting God with this area of your life, I hope these lessons remind you that healthy relationships don’t happen by accident. They are built intentionally.

More than anything, I pray you never settle for the world’s definition of love when God has already shown us a better way. His way may not always be the easiest, but it is always the wisest and the best.

Thank you for allowing me to share a little piece of my heart with you today. Happy anniversary to us, Sugar. Thank you, Jesus, for four beautiful years of becoming more like You together.

I love you all, and I am rooting for you.